It’s no secret that sex is very important to men. They do not want to be denied when they want to get down and some may even prioritize this in their relationships.
However, sex isn’t the only thing they want from their wives, girlfriends or partners.
The problem with knowing these other wants besides sex is that most men won’t articulate them. It’s left for their partners to figure them out and fulfill them.
This is where it becomes important for a woman to be sensitive, understanding and patient to know what her man desires. Knowing this assures a smooth and enjoyable relationship as much as they can be assured.
Here are some of the other needs of your man which he may not voice.
Affection
You may have heard the expression that ‘men are babies’, that’s a fact. No matter their age or social attainment, they yearn for affection. They want to feel cared for – whether that is giving him a massage after a hard’s day’s work or just checking in.
Most men especially Nigerian men find it hard to articulate this need, but it is there.
Show your man you care for him with simple gestures like setting out what he’s wearing for work, telling him you love him, being warm towards him, cheering him on and assuaging his fears.
Mix it up. Show him both romantic and emotional affection to see what he really responds to.
Belief in him
Many men, especially Nigerian men, think it’s their place to protect and provide for their wives and children. Things don’t go well when they feel this ability is being doubted even when they may be going through challenges. Be supportive and always let him know you believe in his ability to be the provider.
Your encouragement will work wonders!
While it is not your place to make him feel like a man even when he doesn’t believe it himself, doing just that will get him there faster than using his insecurities against him.
This can be done in the subtlest of ways. Allow him be in charge of directions sometimes ( even when you know you would be the better navigator ), allow him order for you the next time you eat out. Little things like this will build him up and give him that extra puff in his chest.
Understand him
“I just want you to understand me.”
This is a comment you will most likely hear from a woman, but that doesn’t mean the men don’t want it either. They want to be understood. They want to feel they can communicate and be understood by their partner.
Making it a point of duty to communicate daily will help you know yourselves better. There are exercises you can both do to facilitate your gelling. Example; Plan a daily dialogue exercise where you take 20 minutes to ask each other positive questions. This could include things about what attracts you to one another, your favorite date together, or what your partner’s favorite quality is.
Appreciation and Affirmation
Compliments! Men respond well to it. However note that compliment isn’t flattery. Make sure it comes from the heart and is genuine. Do it often too.
Some examples are
Let him know you appreciate how hard he works.
Thank him for how he takes care of the family.
Tell him he looks good in that shirt, suit, etc
Kiss him and tell him you really admire him as a person.
Acceptance
We all want to be accepted for who we are and don’t want others to try to change us. While men and women can change willingly for their significant others, everyone just wants to be accepted as they are at that moment.
Men are often hurt and angered when their wives try to change them. Hold your horses on preaching the change gospel.
If the change you seek has to do with their health and safety, full speed ahead. However superficial things like he left the seat open for the third time in a row, etc is not necessary to bring up all the time. If those characters you see are something you know is a deal breaker, then don’t get with the man in the first place. Be sure you can accept him as he comes or leave him for the next.
READ ALSO:12 Inspiring Tips on How To Save A Failing Relationship
Bambam of Big Brother season three said she never was attracted to the kind of Man Teddy A presented as. She didn’t like the tattoos, the fact that he smoked and his long hair. She still loved him and they grew together. Slowly he stopped smoking, cut his hair and even spoke on the change on social media. He said he wasn’t esmaculated or didn’t stop that habit because Bambam told him to but that he changed because her love made him want to!
You can show how much you accept your man for who he is right now by:
Seeing his flaws and loving him anyway.
Learning how we can accept ourselves so we can accept our husbands.
Getting comfortable with being different from our partner.
Committing to agree to disagree in arguments.
Letting go when it comes to different activities, opinions, or politics.
Less Nagging
Your husband just walked in from work and you have been waiting to tell him all the repairs needed in the house. Take a bit, leave it till the next day.
Yes, you may want to chat away with him about his day, your day and life but learn to know when he needs less chatter. Allow him space when he’s not up for a chat.
Consider expressing yourself in additional ways to your friends, other family members, or through alternative ways like art, journaling, and online forums to fill that need when he can’t be there.
This is not to say these avenues negate the need to communicate with your partner. No. Communication is very important but the purpose is
defeated if the other partner is listening out of obligation and is not really up
for it.
Respect
The average African man wants to be highly respected. While mutual respect is necessary, the man’s need for it towers over the woman’s.
One of the best ways a wife can show her husband that she loves and respects him is by actively listening to him when he talks, and not interrupting. It may look little but if you interrupt him too often, he grow impatient and shut down.
You can also demonstrate respect by:
Avoiding making any negative comments about his thoughts and opinions.
Being considerate of his upcoming plans.
Opting not to use the ‘eye roll’ you disagree with him.
Generally being positive, thankful, and considerate of his wants and needs.
Free Time
Almost everyone has a desire for some quiet time alone and a moment to re-energize, regroup, and reconnect with themselves.
When your husband / boyfriend ( if you live together ) first gets home from work, you can give him this space by allowing him to unwind without any chatter or questions. On his days off, be mindful of his schedule by not planning too many activities. If you really want to do something with your husband on the weekend, consider picking one day of the weekend, or making plans every other weekend. Even if you don’t live with your boyfriend learn to give him his time alone when you notice he needs it.
Trust
Trust is vital to the success of a marriage or relationship. Couples build trust in healthy relationships by being honest with each other, communicating often, and learning how to fight fairly. It takes time to build trust. Over the years, you two will learn how to keep promises, be yourself, and show how much you love and appreciate each other.
If you’re having doubts about your husband and finding it difficult to trust him, seek counseling and don’t engage in activities like infidelity or spying. Going through his phone with the intention of ‘finding dirt’ will not help matters. It only fosters the lack of trust. If you don’t find what you are looking for, you wonder if he deleted all evidence. The day you find it confirms your fear and where do you go from there? That method only causes constant worry and hurt for you and resentment on his part.
Companionship
Hopefully, you can say that your significant other is not only your lover but also your friend. Staying friends and companions throughout the years require that you find ways to make quality time to be together and have new experiences.
Marrying your best friend also means being mindful of how you talk to each other, not taking him for granted, and making small sacrifices to please each other. Practice using kind words, show your gratitude for him daily, and choose to watch his favorite local sports game instead of your go-to show.
With additional report from Very Well Mind.
