A great sex life among couples has been shown to be one of the ways to successful relationships.
Couples who are happy in this area make a conscious effort at it by talking about sex, creating opportunities for intimacy and so on.
However, talking about sex makes a lot of people uncomfortable especially in the Nigerian culture. Most people feel embarrassed to have these discussions with their partners for many reasons.
They could be uncomfortable with their body, have been rejected sexually in the past or they simply don’t want to be judged.
The topic of sex is also one that while growing up is shrouded in mystery and forbidden. This in turn leads to young adults who can’t talk about it and move into relationships and marriages that way.
All couples who want to give their relationship a boost or improve their happiness need to cultivate a healthy sex lift and below are some ways to do that.
Talk About It
Demystify sex! Talking about sex deepens your emotional connection and makes intimacy even richer between you. Make efforts to continuously talk about sex. Your partner needs to be able to speak freely when he or she isn’t getting what they need and only continuous conversation will aid that. You both need to create an environment where open speech is allowed without judgment. Talking allows you both share fantasies which will ultimately lead to a more emotional connection and a fulfilling sex life.
What are your goals? Studies show men tend to focus more on technique, how long they last and not on the passion and intimacy with their partner. Women on the other hand focus more on achieving orgasm. Because each partner sees an end result, no one focuses on the process of getting there.
By redefining sex, physical relationships can still be enjoyed among two people whether they achieve orgasm or not. Great sex is a by product of the emotional connection you both share and figuring out what this means to each of you will take you a step closer.
Know Your Partner’s Body
You should know what makes each other tick. There should be no guess work involved or doing what you saw or heard somewhere. Each person should have a map of the other’s body. Questions like these will help: what felt good about sex last time? What did we do that caused you to feel closer and connected to me? What did we do that made you relax?What did we do that turned you on? What do you need to make sex better for you? What do you need to feel in the mood for sex? What makes sex more like lovemaking for you? What are the fantasies or thoughts you have during sex?
Saying No And Saying Yes
Your partner cannot read your mind. Have a discussion about verbal and non verbal cues that communicate ‘I am ready.’ This doesn’t have to be elaborate. A code word to say you’re in the mood or a certain touch to signal that.
Saying no is also a huge concern. The key to securing your connection is to learn to say no gently. Try not to guilt trip your partner or withdraw emotionally when your partner refuses sex. That is counter productive for sexual health in the long run. You can go further and talk about what happens when a partner says no. Do you try to convince? Do you just let go? Try to talk to each other about what action is acceptable when anyone says no.
Be Vulnerable With Each Other
Trusting each other and opening up to each other leads to great sex experiences.
Try New Things
Trying new things to add spice can go a long way to make things more interesting and intimate. Even if you try and fail, it gives both of you something to laugh over and talk about that still promotes your being even closer and attuned to each other.