Ms. Faith Audu is an energetic and lively lady. Meeting her for the first time, you would never guess what tragedies she has gone through. A widowed mum, she would not allow life challenges pull her down. In this interview with Assistant Editor CHINWE MADUAGWU, she shares her experiences.
TNE: When did you lose your husband?
I lost my husband in December 2015. We had been married for nine years before he passed. It was exactly the month of our ninth wedding anniversary that he left us. So I’ve been widowed for about two years and some months.
TNE: What has been your experience of widowhood?
Widowhood actuality comes with a lot of grief. It comes with a lot of challenges. It comes with a lot of what many people will term set backs. You know, you had dreams of doing a whole lot of things. When the person you had planned with is no longer there, you have to start restrategising. But I was blessed to have good In-laws so they didn’t disturb me about property or anything because as at the time my husband died, we were living in our own house and we had cars. They didn’t take any of these from me rather they were looking out for me, whether I was doing okay. So in that regard, I was quite lucky.
In fact, there was a time when I was not able to meet up with my son’s school fees and I called on them and they assisted. They’ve been very supportive. My immediate family has also been very supportive.
Actually, my grief started before I lost my husband. In 2014, I lost an almost eight month pregnancy. Then early 2015, I had two miscarriages and later in the same year, I had a terrible fire accident. Precisely, December 1, which incidentally was our wedding anniversary. I had gone to the filling station to get fuel where I had the accident which kept me in the hospital for over three weeks. I was still in the hospital when my husband passed. It was when I came out of the hospital that they told me what happened. My husband died December 22nd and I was released from the hospital on December 23rd.
Since then, I would say it’s been God who has kept me and my son. He has been faithful. Again widowhood comes with its financial challenge and I had that challenge. At a point, I really needed money to do a lot of things. Before I lost my husband, I had stopped working because the nature of his work usually took him out of the home for weeks. So I had to stop work, to take care of the home. He has borne most of the financial burden of the family. I did small businesses here and there but that was just to keep busy and have small ‘change’ in my hand.
When he died, therefore, I had serious financial challenge. My parents too have been very supportive and helpful and the same goes for my siblings.
That’s how I’ve been trying to cope with widowhood. I tried getting a job but to no avail. I have also tried a lot of things to keep busy and to see which one I would fit in. I learnt shoe making, Ankara craft, cream making, soap making, I did photography, dress making, I went to Bible school. All these training really helped me. They didn’t take me off grief completely because the mind set is there that ‘he’s no longer there,’ but at least I kept busy and when you are busy, you wouldn’t really have time to grieve the way the mind would ordinarily want to since there are other things occupying your mind.
However, since I started working again, I would say that I have relaxed.
TNE: What do you do?
I’m a driver, an Uber driver and I recently logged on to the taxify driving App. So, now I can say I’m both an uber and taxify driver.
TNE: How did you get into driving as a profession?
First of all, I love driving. When I saw an advert for female drivers on one of the WhatsApp groups that I belong to, it caught my attention because it was something I had always wanted to do but I didn’t know how to go about it especially in this our society. The advert got me excited and when the time for the training came, I went for it but due to some logistic issues it didn’t work out as planned. However, I was discouraged. But along the line through my perseverance I got an offer and today I’m doing what I love to do and making money from it.
I’ve been driving for two months now starting with Uber and recently, I joined Taxify.
TNE: What has been your experience?
It’s been good so far. Presently, I have about 75 five stars. That means 75 Riders have rated me five star. In fact, some Riders tell me that if there is 10 stars, they will give me that because they enjoyed my driving. Some said they enjoyed the communication, others said they enjoyed the music. Some have also appreciated my car that it is clean.
I also have sweets in my car and I offer them to my riders. When it’s sunny, I offer them water. I just try as much as possible to make my riders comfortable and enjoy their ride no matter how short the ride is.
However, I must say the experience has also been challenging because as a lady, I can’t work late in the night and I can’t also start very early. I have to wait till it is bright enough so my riders and I can identity ourselves.
As a mum also, I have a responsibility to my son. I have to get him ready for school and make sure he has gone before starting off for work. Sometimes too, the body may not respond as you wish. My grandmother has a saying that ‘tiredness is not laziness.’ When the body begins to say it is tired, one has to listen and take a rest. Sometimes I might want to work in order to meet up with the weekly pay but the body would not agree, so I just relax.
Sometimes too the car can present with its own issues. For instance, there was a time I had problems with my AC and I was just pleading with my riders to bear with me. Another time I had issues with my back brake so I’ve faced challenges like that, but with time you get used to such and how to deal with them.
So far, I would say it’s been enjoyable since driving is my thing. Before joining Uber, if I’m driving and I see people, I pick them. There was a day I stopped to pick a policeman and he was shocked that a woman stopped to pick him. It’s not just him alone, I’ve done that for a lot of people. Then, I did it without collecting money but since I joined Uber, I have monitised it.
For instance, when I work on the Island, if I don’t get a ‘matching ride’ when I’m going back, that is Riders who are going my way, then I turn my vehicle to kabu kabu.
The only thing that stresses me is the Lagos traffic, especially my end, Iyana Ipaja where I stay. Coming back can be very stressful. That’s the challenge I get, not from the job itself because I enjoy what I’m doing. Even when my husband was alive, I used to drive most of the time. In fact, anybody that wanted to go somewhere I would volunteer to drive them provided they would fuel the car. Driving has always been my thing. And I’m comfortable with it because it allows me to work at my own pace and I don’t go scouting for customers rather, customers come my way.
TNE: Have you ever, in the course of work had any experience that made you think that perhaps you should consider looking for something else to do?
No, I’ve not. In fact, most of my riders are usually surprised when they see me. They are like, ‘a lady Uber?’ I usually have good riders. Though a few times I’ve had some ‘funny’ riders but in the end they still behaved themselves. You know, people when they see that it is a lady doing something, they try to be understanding. For instance, If you don’t turn up on time for your ride most people get angry and agitated but when they see it’s ’a woman, they calm down and they are like ‘so it’s really a female driver.’ Though sometimes, some really express their anger and I try to calm them down, but I’ve not had people that escalate like that.
Some of my riders when I get to their place, their families come out to see the female Uber driver and some when they come on board they’ll start calling their friends, ‘see it’s an Uber lady that’s carrying me.’ Most of them are excited to be driven by a female driver and some snap pictures with me.
TNE: Would you say that being a lady has been an advantage or disadvantage for you?
It has been an advantage.
TNE: Have you ever been toasted by a rider in the course of a trip?
No, I have not. My male riders have always behaved themselves. They just assume that I’m married. It’s only those that discuss with me that end up knowing that I’m widowed. Most times when they hear my name, a combination of Faith and Audu, it implies a married name because Faith is Christian and Audu they assume to be Muslim. So a lot of my riders assume I’m married except those who probe. But there was one that left a message, because you have an opportunity to write about your driver, so he wrote ‘I would have married her if she was not married.’
Again, how you comport yourself will also make people to respect you and since I don’t put on jewelry, they may think ‘this one maybe one Christian aunty, let me behave myself.’ So none has made advances.
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TNE: Have you had to do out town driving?
Yes I have. There was one ride that took me to a place far beyond Canaan land. If it’s some drivers they would cancel the ride but I’m quite adventurous. So I took it as a challenge and went. I think the place was Ijoko. After Canaanland, we still went far inside. In fact, when we finally got to the place, we had challenge with network and to end the ride was a problem.
I’ve actually had two rides like that though when I told one of my fellow drivers he said I shouldn’t take any ride outside Lagos again. But for me it was an experience and I used that opportunity to know those areas.
There was also a time somebody wanted me to take her to Ibadan and I agreed though that was to be on charter but she later changed her mind because she wanted to get to Akure before going to Ibadan. If not, I would have had that experience. I’m comfortable working within Lagos but I love challenges if I get anyone that wants to go out of Lagos provided they can pay for charter, I will go.
TNE: From all your experiences, what would you say is the greatest lesson life has taught you?
Life has taught me never to give up, never say never. That has been my slogan; never say never and also looking up to God. And my name tallies with that. My name is Faith and my local name which is Oghenemine means ‘looking up to God.’ That’s just perfect for me. The slogan is looking up to God, the author and finisher of our Faith. A lot of challenges come in and you can’t choose your challenges. If you think about it, I have faced practically, all the challenges that man faces except death which I know God will keep me from till I have accomplished all He sent me here to do.
I’ve faced the challenge of still birth, I’ve faced the challenge of miscarriages. I have a child so I’ve also faced the challenge of giving birth and then the death of my husband. I’ve also faced tragedy, that’s the fire accident I had. When I look at it, I have faced a whole lot of things in life and I’m not yet 40 years. I just look up to God. He is the author and finisher of my destiny.
The first week of my stay in the hospital, I was unstable. I couldn’t do anything for myself. I was always sedated because the pain from the burn was just too much. But when I became a bit stable I told God that I wanted to study the Bible and asked for guidance as to the passage of book to study and I was led to the book of Job. I didn’t know why, but I just studied it.
When I was told that my husband had passed, I understood why God led me to the book of Job. It prepared me for what was to come. After I lost my husband and people were coming to console with me, I was the one encouraging them because God had already prepared me. Also, while in the hospital, I cried a lot from the pain of the burn so to come out of that and straight into another pain, I just couldn’t cope. I just had to surrender to God and he came through for me. And ever since he has been faithful.
It’s not to say that I’ve stopped grieving. I still cry. When I need to cry, I lock myself up in my room and sometimes, one small incident may trigger the grief and I will start crying or I’ll be driving and remember something and start crying. The grief is still there but it’s a managed one that God has helped me to cope with.
Even when I reflect on my miscarriages and the still birth, I think that maybe God knew what was to come that’s why he didn’t give me more children. I believe he would have looked at things and said ‘fine, there are some things she can take but she’s also human so there’s a limit to what she can bear and what she can cope with.’
TNE: Drawing from your experiences, what is your advice to widows?
Well, a lot of widows think they should go about begging and looking for people to pity them or organisations that will help them, but I say to them, you can stand on your own. Just look for what you love doing – they say use what you have to get what you need – but there’s a clause there because if you use your body, you can also use it to get some diseases, So that’s not what I mean. You can use what talent you have in a positive way to get what you want. It’s unfortunate that a lot of widows get promiscuous because they don’t get people to help them and they can’t help themselves. In the country now, doing business is very challenging. You’re trying to survive on a business and the business keeps dragging you down. Instead of making gain, you’re running at a loss. You’re just putting in and not getting anything so it’s really challenging to be a widow but they shouldn’t look at things and just give up. Definitely, there’s something they can do that will generate something. If God has made you a widow, he has given you something to survive.
The bible says that God will not give a burden you cannot bear or allow a temptation you cannot overcome to come your way. For the fact that you are a widow, you can overcome your challenges. Look for where your strength lies. Like I said earlier, I tried a lot of things but I didn’t see myself establishing in them but I have the knowledge and I can use them. For instance, I make the soap I use. They are not wasted. It was when I got the opportunity for Uber driving that I said, ‘this is me’ and I keyed into it and I still do other things. And any widow can do that.
