Mother and daughter
As with every generation, mothers and daughters share a special bond. Though one is not quite a woman and one, in many ways, is still no longer a girl – they each bear the qualities of each other. Little girls want to grow up fast, and dear sweet moms want to regain their youth. Mothers understand how important it is to be a good role model for their daughters.
So, with only the best of intentions, moms and daughters travel their journeys through life. It is every mother’s hope that their daughter grows to be strong, independent, caring, and giving. A mother’s dream is to enjoy the fruits of her labor (no pun intended) …to know that her daughter is happy, confident, and kind to all.
There are many detours and roadblocks along the way, but you can overcome them using these four building blocks to obtain and maintain a relationship with your daughter that will last a lifetime! Because of your efforts in developing this relationship now, not only will you enjoy a close unique friendship with your daughter, you will also pass on to her the wonderful gift of future strong relationships with her own children.
Life is based on building blocks. Relationships, too, are based on the same. Given the tools, you can build a strong one…strong to last the bumps in the road and the trials of life. It’s never too late to begin. With each new day comes renewal, forgiveness, and a positive step towards building once again.
Without trust, any relationship doesn’t stand a chance! Trust often is confused as a “given.” A God-given right!
As a loving mother, your daughter has grown to trust you. She knows you will pick her up when you say you will. She knows that she is cared for and provided for by you.
Your daughter also knows your love is unconditional and that regardless of her doings, you’ll be there. She might get yelled at, but she trusts you above all. Realize that you have earned her trust through word, credibility, and actions.
How about her perception of earning trust? Each young lady must understand that TRUST is earned. The same way You earned her trust in You! Ask yourself: Why is it that sometimes we feel the need to accredit our children with attributes that should be earned?
Our daughters need to understand that trust is patient. The small steps/small rewards process is a journey to gaining their independence. They need to take responsibility for earning the trust and guarding it dearly, as one of the most valuable aspects of your shared relationship. When you, as her mother, make this important, it becomes important.
There are five steps to establishing trust between a mother and a daughter. Each important and well guarded. They include HONESTY; AWARENESS; FOLLOW UP; CONSEQUENCE; and finally, PRIVILEGE. Knowing each of them and how to apply these steps to a working relationship is key in maintaining a loving relationship.
Funny when our children are born, we seem so in tuned to their needs. We know the difference between a hungry cry and a mad cry. We can sense the slight mood change and worry for hours that there is a cold coming on.
As our little girls grow, we teach them to talk. When we repeat sounds and claps for joy as they say “ball” and “Mama”. We are elated to know that our little girls are on their way. We pay close attention to all of their needs and kiss them softly and quietly goodnight.
Just because we teach language, an ensemble of “sounds” does not mean we teach communication.
Communication, as defined by Webster, is an act of transmitting or an exchange of information or opinions. Think about this, “an act of transmitting” which can mean giving orders, commands, and/or instructions. This, of course, is necessary at times. It means we mean what we say – and do it! No questions, no discussion. This form of communication is certainly acceptable and appropriate at times.
Taking the other side of the definition, “an exchange of information” we understand this to be a form of exploring another’s opinion, thoughts, and logic. This too is very important. As a matter of fact, this is the foundation of effective communication involving two people.
When does it start? As our girls learn their words at the age of 2, they also begin to learn communication skills. These skills are mostly taught by our physical reactions and not our verbal capabilities.
Physical reactions involve the delivery of our words, the tone of our voices, and the actions of our bodies. It is not about getting through – it’s about logical reasoning and openness to understanding another human being. Since your daughter has already achieved a level of trust in you, she will embrace your skills of communication if delivered in a manner that supports her best interests without threatening her own desires.
You, as the parent, are in control at all times. You just need the tools to help educate your daughter on the ways of the world. With these tools and exercises, you are able to begin to lay the strong foundation of open-minded, free exchange of information without losing your position of authority.
Remember communication can be a “two-way street” or a single command. Your choice, your control.