The men, in any relationship always seem to draw the short straw. They are the ones expected to pick the bills, give spending cash to their ladies, buy them gifts and it goes on and on.
As this is ‘expected’ from them, no one stops to ask how they feel about it. Does it mean ladies, even when they can afford to, should not also ‘provide’ for the men in their lives?
As a lady, are you just receiving because it’s the norm or because you’re selfish?
The Next Edition spoke to some men who shared their thoughts on ‘selfish’ women.
Ofili Chidubem, Analyst
“It’s a turn off for me.
Because the idea of her not even making an attempt to give back or “pretend” to reach for the bill after a date (excluding the first 5 dates) is a little irritating. Especially if I’ve noticed that she’s always about receiving.
“The strangest thing is that African men are so used to paying the bills, and every time a lady tries paying the bills it feels weird and I end up paying. It feels like I’m wired that way.
“A friend once took me out to celebrate her recent promotion and even though we agreed she would handle the bills, I ended up paying because it still didn’t feel right. But above all it helps to know that she makes an attempt to split or pay the bills.”
Yusuf Mohammed, Journalist
“It is a turn off, a huge one. Many guys feel bad about it, but just tolerate it. Many ladies, especially in this part of the world, believe that what they are bringing to the table is sex.
“If a man and a woman are married and she is playing the role of a house wife, taking care of the kids and cooking, if she doesn’t even give the man any gifts, he wouldn’t mind. He would see all her efforts in the house as special treatments. But the ones that are just dating, it is a different case. It is not as if she is cooking for him or any other thing.
“In fact, in these modern relationships, they end up in fast food restaurants. Then they have sex. Sex is something both partners enjoy. But somehow, many ladies see it like they are doing a man a favour by having sex.
“Nigerian men are used to stingy ladies. And the reality is that most ladies don’t buy gifts for their men. This is something you can find out. There are a few who do it. And trust me, the men don’t forget such gestures. Many guys can count the number of girls that have bought them gifts or taken them out to eat. On the other hand, many girls can’t count how many times guys have bought them gifts or taken them out. It may shock you to find out that many guys out there have never been given a treat by any lady.”
Ekemini Nsubong, Process Engineer
“The word “selfish” is enough red flag to run away o. That is why I try not to get involved with someone who was not my friend first so I would have had time to know if they are selfish or not.”
Ebuka King, Business man
“There’s nothing like a selfish woman. She’s not just into you, that’s all.”
Ene Akaniyene, Banker
“When you receive from someone, the best way to keep receiving is by giving to that someone occasionally. What you give may not be commensurate with what you receive, but the intent and undertone of the act will definitely unlock bigger gifts.”
Novell Nwoko, Entrepreneur
“It’s a huge turn off. In this time and age when women are fighting for equality I see a selfish woman as a backward person; makes her easily dispensable.”
Sam Ayanlaja, Tech Analyst
“I believe women are natural givers, nurturers. So if any woman is behaving otherwise I think it’s a subtle/ unconscious signal that she’s just not into you like that. Take the hint bro, move. It doesn’t mean she is selfish or a bad person, because this same person might be so generous to others they care about.”
Gabriel Aggrey, Operation Manager
“Selfishness is a turn off. At first one will expect that the other will change and be more selfless. True love only exists when both parties give unconditionally. A lot of women use romantic attention and relationships as a means to an end. Besides sleeping with you and maybe cooking for you, most ladies don’t understand that men want to be pampered and showered with gifts too, even if we never ask for it.”
Morgan Morgan, Food Scientist
“Ah! Definitely a turn off.
Everyone deserves a nice treat. That you are a lady shouldn’t make you uptight and selfish.
“As a Man, I want to be taken out too once in a while, I want surprise gifts too, and not doing any of these just because you are a woman simply means you are stingy and I’m not up for that stress.
“Certainly there are things (and maybe people) you are spending your money on. It simply means they top your scale of preference and I’m at the bottom of the chain. It’s a turn off for me.”
Ladies, remember, what a man can do… What is good for the geese, most definetly is good for the gander. If you have not been pampering your man with gifts, today is a good day to start. There must not be an occasion.
