There’s a time I used to think I was a big girl until I travelled to Abuja and spent a little over a year and then moved into Lagos recently, and trust me, it didn’t take long for me to be put in my place! I can’t speak to the ‘Big Girls’ living on the mainland (But are you even a big girl if you live on the mainland?) but I have a little to talk on the ones on the island coupled with my extensive social media research prior to this period. Trust me social media will tell you A LOT on this subject.
You can spot the ‘big girls’ as soon as you walk into any bar, lounge or any social setting. Even as a ‘learner’ myself I could still tell. It even made me question my own big ‘girlism’, I mean, I thought I was a baby girl until I met these wonderful people. What have I been doing? What is even my pedigree in this matter? Wait, do I even want to be a ‘big girl’? It all just feels like such hard work!
Anyways, I came to hustle, you see? I’m not a big girl, the big girls live a ‘baby girl lifestyle’. So who is a baby girl? A baby girl doesn’t hustle; she doesn’t have time to run around looking for jobs, She uses what she has to get what she wants and therefore lives the big girl’s lifestyle. Of course there are exceptions to the rule, but I know you get what I mean. But you see, even at that, there are levels to this thing. In my ‘learner’ opinion, I could be wrong,but here goes. There is the Elite ‘big girl’. She has earned her place at the top of the chain. She got there by sheer grit and now she has a reputable job or is a social media influencer (Yes, that’s a thing now. I know right? Anyways, moving on) she now sits on the theoretical throne to hopefully welcome newbies like me. Then there’s the regular-ish ‘big girl’. For her the struggle is real, she tries everything to be part of the elite but again even to a learner, it’s obvious she’s not. You cannot completely dismiss her because she has a little leg to stand on for her big ‘girlism’ but she’s not the one who will induct me into this exclusive club.
Finally we have the fake ones. The ‘wanna-bes’, they are the absolute worst! Always bossing people around because she has absolutely no clout and she knows it but can’t help herself. Chances are she never graduates to the regular-ish ‘big girl’, why? < Her reputation is already tarnished, from when she did whatever to feel among, she had no class whilst doing this so hence the other too most definitely can’t associate with her. She is forever left on the fringes, just looking in. I feel pity for her as I write this.
That said what are the signs? How do you spot one? Could you already be one and you don’t know? Let’s go over this together. With my newly acquired private eye badge, I think I can tell you some key things.
This is very important, you cannot be a big girl and stay somewhere in your village, NO WAY! It doesn’t matter that you were the top dog there (like I was) nobody cares! That’s just all shades of wrong. The big girls are mainly in Abuja and Lagos maybe Port Harcourt, they stay in posh apartments/houses in Ikoyi, Maitama, and Lekki etc. Mere hearing their address you should let you know it’s the big leagues now.
Nothing against the dark-skinned, melanin-popping girls out there but the melanin-popping trend is yet to be embraced by all. Personally, I feel owning the skin you came in adds a beautiful level of confidence but for the purposes of our discussion, light skinned girls rule today. You cannot be a big girl if you aren’t light skinned and fine, you have to be a baby girl and that’s part of the package! Well, these days many think you aren’t a fine girl if you are not light skinned, so to be a big girl, you have to know the latest bleaching, sorry toning cream available. PS : They NEVER tell you what cream it is they use o! It’s a secret I feel they will take to their graves even the FBI can’t find this one out! Most of the big girls, if you look into their families, they are all dark skinned but abeg abeg abeg!!! Market must sell.
A big girl must use the latest phone, be it iPhone, Samsung or whatever, these girls use the latest phones, whether they sell their clothes and shoes to afford it, that’s not their problem nor yours either, but they must belong! What is a baby girl lifestyle without a proper outstanding phone? With what shall you take selfies with?
LOCALLY-ACQUIRED FOREIGN ACCENT
Every big girl must have an accent. These days a trip to Dubai warrants a British accent upon arrival back home, how? When you know how, please drop me a comment. It can be bought anywhere, and sometimes they don’t even need to travel out. Are you a fan of Jenifa’s diary? This reminds me of when Funke Akindele’s character got back from the UK, after spending few months, she came back with an accent. My girl planned to live the big girl lifestyle and nothing was going to stop her. Remember, when faking the accent, everything has to end with an ‘R’, how you dare say ‘Lagos’? It is ‘Largos’ ‘slay harrrd’ and keep rolling the r’s. This is where yours truly gave up, I JURST CARN’T!
ATTEND BIG WEDDINGS AND EVENTS
A big girl that isn’t attending big events, is that one a big girl? This is in the Rule book, rule No 1. The big girls are found at weddings/events of millionaires and billionaires children or celebrities, how they get these invites? I don’t know! I’m not a big girl. LOL, but if you want to know if they are at this events, check their social media pages, and you will see them all dressed up heading to these big events. As a big girl, you have to know one or two people in the high places in order to attend these high class events. It reminds me of a little incident back home in my little world where one of the ‘who is who’ was having a birthday party with a dress code. I know so many girls and guys alike who bought their party clothes are started looking for invites or who didn’t have a plus one! The scramble was real and funny to watch. I had an invite (Told you I was a top dog, lol) but I wasn’t even attending. Basically in this regard, it’s just too much work for me, I don’t know about you. My advice is, while scrambling for invites. PLEASE be classy, remembering to be part of the elite is the end goal.
If you don’t know this term, just give up now. I can’t teach you everything. A big girl must SLAY! This is not in the rule book, this is the rule book! You have to slay from your human hair down to your fake Christian Louboutin shoes or real ones if you are the elite, slaying and being a big girl goes like bread and butter, corn and pear.
Now you have the long human hair, the locally-acquired foreign accent, the latest phones, bleached sorry toned skin and you are balling! You are good to go, Sister. Me? I shall be cheering for you from the sidelines. I applaud and admire the determination to the game though. We only have life and ‘big girl’ or not my philosophy as always been ‘Why go through life unnoticed?’ So make your mark, just be sure it’s a good one.