The term ‘Friends with Benefits’ (FWB) was possibly used for the first time in 1995 by Alanis Morissette. The term became popular in the 2000s with the 2011 movie with the same name starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis making it even more so.
Loosely put, friends with benefits is a term you give a friend with whom one has an occasional and casual sexual relationship with. The practice has surprisingly become accepted here in Nigeria, especially common amongst the young people. Most times the arrangement can be entered into with a verbal agreement with the two people involved or by an unspoken agreement where both know what sort of relationship they are in.
Most FWB (Friends with Benefits) arrangements usually start with two people who may be busy or just don’t want to commit to a relationship at that particular time. So they decide instead of hopping between beds, they will have the one person (or two as the case maybe) that they see just for the sake of intimacy.
Where this gets messy is where one person starts developing strong feelings for the other and decides he or she wants more. In most cases, they either part ways or usually explore having a proper relationship for a while. Some even end up married after a while in other cases.
But who loses in this arrangement? Does the fact that you have a friend with benefits hinder you from pursuing legitimate relationships? Is it really a 50-50 beneficial relationship?
Akopac Essien, Engineer
Friends with benefits doesn’t necessarily mean sex though we know in context it means sex. In this context, sex is just one of the benefits, but it can be a whole lot more. Food, Shelter, Support, etc. The one who loses when the arrangement is over is the one who was benefitting. Where they decide it’s just intimacy i.e sex and not a regular relationship, the one who develops feelings is the one who loses. They are jeopardizing their chances at future relationships as well. I would do it sha.”
READ ALSO: Was My Mother Justified to Slap My Wife?
Ebere Johnson, Entrepreneur
“Friends with benefits, in what aspect because it should be defined. It can be financial, emotional or otherwise. We all have friends with benefits in these regards, but sexually is most outstanding one. Mankind has defined friends with benefits to stand for these days. I don’t subscribe to this phenomenon, it’s just messy. If you want to have sex, then be in a real relationship with the person. This one it’s the man that will benefit and the woman loses.”
Aniekan Aniema, Chef and Event Manager
Yes, I would do it; could do it, and will definitely do it over and over and over again. Why? It saves everyone the stress of having commitments. It’s spontaneous, and freaky knowing you could and will get some at any point in time without having to wonder if you would be asked the question: “What are we exactly?” It clearly cuts out its own terms: FUN!!!The person who loses out is the one who mushy mushy and emotionally involved. FWBs are not for the “Oh it’s your favorite? It’s not cool with me but I’ll do it for you”. If you get this way, you would lose be your man or woman. FWBs are to be remembered with a wide grin, and wished to be relived not for the emotional memories of “I love you” with a deep kiss, and a desire not to ever get up from that cupid induced cuddle but in other ways. A mushy mushy friend with benefits always loses in the long run.”
Annabel George, Human Resource Manager
“It should not happen with Friends with benefits but sometimes someone falls in love. They remain caught up in fantasies of romance that it affects them from having real relationships with other people. For those in relationships, it affects their input in their relationship. And thus, the outcome: a misconstrued relationship based on a lie. The worst thing you can do is lie to yourself.”
Rebecca Ebiede, Nursing Student
“Of course, the woman loses! Except she has so trained her mind to see sex as something she can just give away then she’s fine. But to me, she loses. How will she now have a boyfriend? Like I said unless she’s okay with the so-called friend with benefits now dumping her like yesterday’s news because they weren’t serious.”
Chinedu Eke, Lawyer
“This generation has redefined how they go about their relationships. This one is one of the most shocking. I think this is one that won’t ever end well because that is not how it was supposed to be. Even if they end up not falling in love, it is a course of action that any young person will later regret.”
Francisca Ezeji, Medical Lab Scientist/Entrepreneur
“I understand why people do it, I would do it. It just takes the pressure off. I don’t think anyone loses especially if you both spell out your terms ahead of time. It could also be a way to relive stress without necessarily worrying about taking on someone’s stress which is what a relationship is. I would do it, jor, I can’t shout. It’s not all the time that you want lovey dovey. When I want to have a proper relationship, I can now end this one and move on.”
Who do you think benefits the most in a ‘friends with benefits’ arrangement? Would you go into one? Let us know in the comment section.
