Speak up
If you’re bored in bed, be honest, but make sure you phrase things positively, try: “l love the way we have sex, you really turn me on but I was reading about (insert something you’d like to try), would you fancy it?” Alternatively try cooking the same meal every night for a few days, then ask your man if he’s bored. Hopefully you’ll both agree it’s boring and you can suggest spicing things up. From there you can tell him you’d like to also try something new and exciting in the bedroom.
Rubbish the routine
Statistically speaking, couples are most comfortable with three positions, but it’s still important to have a large sexual repertoire and inject excitement simply by changing the time you have sex. Recreate and re-stimulate. Take a shower together, have a dirty weekend together at your house – get creative with the scenario if not the position. Take the lead – what guy would say no to his girlfriend being playful?
Think outside your box
One of the biggest sex myths is that sex will take care of itself. But after the first year, you have to put as much effort into your sex life as you do choosing the right dress. Your biggest sex organ is your brain, not what’s between your legs! Don’t be afraid of trying something new, get a fantasy box where you and your man put in five suggestions from doing a strip tease to a new position. When it comes to picking one, if either of you say no to something then don’t take it personally, try another and go for it!
Claw back your confidence
If you’ve lost confidence outside of the bedroom then that will translate to your time between the sheets. Don’t put yourself in any type of sexual situation where you may set yourself up to fail. If you don’t feel like sex then don’t have it. Learn to read your own psycho-sexual messages, gain some confidence by getting to know your own body on your own and learn how to bring yourself to climax and practice, practice, practice! When you know your own body you’ll feel more confident because you’re in control.
Take risks for the romance
Before you delve in and start divulging your fantasies with each other, make sure neither you or your partner are going to be judgmental. Rank your steamy suggestions on a scale of one to ten – start with one, the most tame and make ten the wildest fantasy you have. Don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to, but keep an open mind. Just because a particular act doesn’t feel right today – you may be up for giving it a go in a few weeks.
READ ALSO: 10 things women want to hear from their SOs
Have arguments not affairs
The main reason women shut down sexually is because they don’t feel their emotional needs are being met. To improve your relationship have a good argument, they can actually be very healthy as it’s a chance to communicate the things you don’t normally mention. In the heat of things, try not to criticize your partner though, instead confront the main issues and try to resolve them.
Get in the groove
Your desire is affected by so many things, if you’re tired or stressed you’re not going to feel like sex. Your arousal cycle is pretty simple – first you feel desire, then you begin to get aroused which is then followed by orgasm. But all is not lost if you’re not even at stage one, you and your partner can restart things. Breathe deeply and slowly together so your bodies are in tune, then move onto kissing – this will pass testosterone on from him to you through the salvia which gives you a big man-sized dose of desire to help get you in the mood.
Make space for sex
Just because your circumstances have changed – if you got married or had kids it doesn’t mean your sex life should stop. You’ll have to work at ensuring you still desire each other – but you can still have excitement in a long-term relationship, go out on a date to a new restaurant, buy new underwear, get rid of the clutter in your bedroom and turn it into a boudoir.
Show and tell
Show you man what you like – most of the time, we give how we like to receive, don’t expect your man to be a mind reader. If you’re getting bored with your favourite position try varying it – sex is all about trial and error, change the place you have sex or look inside your fridge for ideas, try touching each other in a totally different way to how you did before. Through experimenting you can recapture those initial intense feelings.
Remember the rules
Sex is about feeling good in yourself, it should be playful. Use sex toys, make a fantasy box, keep updating your sex sessions. It’s important to keep things exciting in the bedroom as well as out of it. Talk about what you want, what works for you and if you put the effort in you’ll be bonking like you did when you first hooked up.
Source: Cosmopolitan
