Mrs. Loveth Egondu Ezeanowi, is the Founder and President of The Women of Virtue Society, WOVIS, a gender-based organisation. In a chat with our Assistant Editor, CHINWE MADUAGWU, she talked about the devastating effect of culture on Nigerian women and how they can overcome fears of the unknown at home and at work. It’s a must read!
TNE: How long has your organization been in existence and what is your focus?
The organisation was officially registered in 2006 and right from inception our main focus has been on women and children. We advocate for the girl child and the women. We do a lot of sensitization and enlightenment of the women. We deal with all issues concerning women.
Besides these, we also undertake legal actions on behalf of women and or the girl child. For instance, when a woman has been denied of her fundamental right probably within the marriage circle, place of work or anywhere, if she runs to us, we take such a case to court to ensure that her right is restored to her.
TNE: You have been dealing with women and their peculiar issues for over 10 years. From experience, what would you say is the greatest challenge facing the Nigerian women?
Without hesitation, I would say it is fear. Fear of the unknown. In fact, women are afraid, but they don’t know what it is they fear. Over the years, women have been restricted. So many things have been working against women such as culture and even religion and that has made women very fearful.
Sometimes, a woman will be going through some problems, but out of fear she will not open up to anybody. Even when she gets to tell someone, she’ll not allow you to take any action.
Some of them will come to us to complain about some marital problems, when we now want to take up the case, they will start withdrawing. We would be the ones running after them and they’ll be telling us ‘please leave it. I don’t want it to look as if I came to report my husband. I don’t want people to say I have taken my husband to court,’ and all that. This is all because of fear.
That is why I say fear is the greatest challenge and that is why we keep organising seminars and conferences to let women know that they have certain rights as women and as human beings. We do a lot of sensitisation just to pass this message across to women because it is very important.
We try to let them know that trying to get things done right in their homes, or having their rights respected, doesn’t mean they are reporting their husbands or that they are bad wives.
Sometimes, the husband can be as ignorant as the woman so when we get to let him know he is passing his boundary, things improve.
It is not our aim to break homes and we do not advocate for marriages being broken.
All we say is that in as much as you’re a married man or woman or even a child within the home, you have some rights. Even a foetus has its own rights. Everybody has their rights and these should not be infringed on.
TNE: Can you elaborate more on how culture works against women?
Culture, I can tell you has done more harm than good to women. Most of the African cultures, especially from the South East where I come from, are patriarchal cultures. They are cultures that subjugate women to the ground. They are cultures that recognise men alone as the only being on earth.
That’s the only thing that can explain why a man and a woman will be having issues in their matrimonial home and there are obvious cases of a man being at fault and still people will say, ‘yes we know he did that but a man can never be wrong.’
They tell you a man can do so and so things, a woman cannot. We advocate that all those cultures that subjugate women should be looked into because most women would not want to go contrary to those cultures. A woman would rather bear the unbearable because she would not want to be labeled a bad woman or called other names.
TNE: You have talked about culture not favouring women and how you try to sensitise women on their rights. Do you also try to sensitise men concerning women’s rights?
We don’t sensitise men as much as we do women or rather, we don’t deal with them directly because an African man has the mindset that he cannot learn anything from a woman. An African man does not believe in learning and unlearning. Whatever an African man knows, that is what he’ll take to the grave.
We don’t try to get to the men directly. What we do therefore, is to organise couples’ programmes, any event that will bring the men and women together in a room to hear us speak. Getting the men alone is a lot more difficult than getting women together, but we’ll keep tying. With the much we are able to do, even if it is one man that takes the message home we are satisfied.
TNE: You also talked about religion working against women, can you explain that some more?
This is a bit sensitive because of our biblical belief of no divorce and no separation. Many women have died at the hands of their husbands because their religious leaders would not hear of their leaving their husbands.
But we need to learn to bend certain things. We need to make our culture and religion flexible; let it not be too rigid. Yes, God does not support divorce but God also didn’t say that a woman should die in her house. In as much as I personally do not support divorce too, I would advocate for divorce when I see it to be necessary, especially when life is being threatened. You cannot come to me and tell me with evidence that your life is at stake and I will not help you.
We have shelters around, so when we have cases where a woman’s life is threatened, we pull the woman out of that home and put her in one of our shelters while we try to work on her husband. If it is determined that the situation is repairable we will try to fix it.
It’s only when the case is not repairable that we advise the couple to separate and live apart for a while, just giving each other space. Most times, it’s not even advisable that a woman goes straight for divorce because sometimes nature has a way of bringing couples back together.
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By separating them for a while, we either save a life or a marriage or even both. Religious institutions should get involved in matters that are serious, they can intervene by listening to both of them, it’s not always necessary to be rigid.
TNE: As an advocate of women’s and girls’ right, what do you make of the rate of sexual abuse in the society and how can it be curbed?
No doubt sexual abuse is very rampant now and I feel that the only way to curb it is by passing strict laws against it and sticking to them. I don’t think jail term is the answer for a sex abuse convict because he can go to jail, come out and still do the same thing.
Again, I don’t believe there is any justifiable reason for sexual abuse and I believe that nobody except the abuser is at a fault because they already have their head programmed to do that.
Another way to deal with besides strict laws is getting the women sensitised, because women have a huge role to play in curbing the incidences of sexual abuse. When a woman is too relaxed and lives too carelessly, like a woman leaving a man at home with her teenagers whether related or not, keeping boys as house helps with little girls, forgetting that some men are animals, that’s asking for trouble.
Some women leave their daughter walking about in the compound naked and when you challenge them on that, they tell you the girl is only a child and knows nothing, but they forget that the men in the compound, who are adults, know something and shouldn’t be trusted.
Women should be on the alert with their children. Right from when they are small, children especially girls, should be thought not to allow anybody touch their private parts. When the breasts start coming out too, the girls should be educated not to allow anybody touch them.
Girls should be taught things to do and not to do with a man. If woman can take the necessary measures then the issue of sexual abuse would be reduced to a minimal level if not stopped.
TNE: Politics is the hot topic on everyone’s lips now. So how do you see women’s participation in the current political process?
These days, opportunities abound for women to be part of the political process unlike before when women were not allowed to contest for any position. Now women are encouraged even by political parties; some parties give forms for political offices free or discounted to women. But the question is have women taken full advantage of these opportunities?
The number of women in politics has improved, but we are not there yet. The opportunities are there, but the women are not taking full advantage. They are still shying away from it, preferring to talk from the background rather than coming out to speak and letting people hear them.
TNE: Why is that so?
Well, let me bring in culture again. Culture has actually dealt with the women. You know, what is in the mind of an average Nigerian woman is, “what would they say?” Won’t they say a lot of negative things? She is bothered with a lot of rhetorical questions in her head, she is bothered with so many questions nobody cares to ask anymore. The only support a woman needs in anything she wants to do, politics included, is her husband’s support.
If she gets his support she should shout from the mountain top because her man is behind her. They should stop bothering about what others think.
TNE: Are you saying it’s actually the women who are stopping themselves from being more visible in the political space?
Yes, because if they want to, they will take over the space. I keep using the phrase, “if they want to.” Even if some men in the political parties are trying to bring them down, if they want to, they can still overcome and make themselves heard. When the men see that fierceness in a woman, they will clear the part knowing that she doesn’t take rubbish and she knows what she wants.
It is just like children reminding parents that they have grown and of what they can do. If women come up with such attitude the world will begin to look at them the way parents look at their children, with respect and watch to see if they can actually do it.
My advice is for women to come up with the ‘I can spirit; even if I fail, I can rise up again.’
TNE: In summary, how would you describe the Nigerian woman?
The Nigerian woman is a strong woman; a strong willed woman but limited in some areas, and all those limitations are what we’re trying to break. By the time those limitations are broken, you already know what will come out of her, she will fly.
TNE: Do you truly see the possibility of breaking those limitations?
Sure, there is hope; we will keep hitting at it. It was worse than this before, there was a time a woman couldn’t contest in election, there was a time a woman couldn’t even vote so if all those things could change it means we will get there with time.