Sex before Marriage: To Indulge or Not to?

Sex is one of the very controversial issues people shy away from discussing openly. It’s viewed as being a very sensitive topic that should be avoided or talked about in low tones. But the irony is that though it’s not discussed publicly it’s happening every second all over the world between young and old and the very young.

Society has a biased attitude towards sex; it’s seen as something that’s wrong, inappropriate and dirty that should not happen before marriage and so on and so forth.

In addition, sex is so revered that churches forbid it before marriage. If you are a Christian, the Bible mentions extensively that sex before marriage is a sin. One of such verses is from 1 Corinthians 6: 18-20 where it says to flee from all sexual immorality, as that is sin committed against one’s own body. This is just one of the many verses that condemn it.

The church itself warns against it and condemns it. In some churches, a pregnant woman won’t be allowed to wed in the church. In cases where it is allowed, she would be asked to leave her veil open or not to wear a white outfit or wedding gown. Pentecostal churches offer counseling where the couple will be asked if they ‘have known each other’, and no one ever answers yes. Is sex still happening despite this? The very obvious answer is yes.

For the Muslims, the Quran in 23:5-6 says to protect their sexual organs except from their spouses… Therefore, whosoever seeks more beyond that (in sexual gratification), then they are the transgressors. Islam encourages early marriage in order to prevent fornication. If a boy is around 18 years and the girl is the same age, parents should help them marry. If the boy is not financially buoyant at that age, the parents should take care of him and his wife till he is able to do so though this is not compulsory.

But then in this day and age, there is societal pressure. Right from young relationships between teenagers, sex is usually what the boy asks of from the girl to ‘prove’ her love. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. Men now want women to be pregnant before they marry them because they want to be sure she can give birth. Women say they can’t get married to a man they haven’t had sex with so as to know the size of his package. As a young woman in these times, if you choose not to have sex, you are seen as a prude. There’s that constant pressure to do what others are doing. The men aren’t left out either. There have been instances where a man is trying not to either rush sex in a relationship or not have it at all and the girl in question will question his virility.

There is also the belief that a lady who has sex with a man too soon after she meets him, will most likely be dumped. John Legend and Chrissy Teigen have openly said they had sex on their first date but they have been together for over 11 years and married for five of those years. Theirs is just one of the many cases. If you choose to have sex, the timing of it depends on those involved.

Depending on who you talk to everyone has their own opinion about the subject matter. In essence, is it appropriate to have sex before marriage?

Ed Stark, Civil Servant, Single

“Ideally, I would want to have sex with any girl I intend to marry before we walk down the aisle. This is because from the little experience I’ve had with some women, I know it’s not all sexual/intimate encounters I enjoyed. So it would be tragic getting married to someone and realizing that the person doesn’t enjoy sex. But then it’s not always black and white. I might meet a lady I love but she decides on being celibate. I won’t throw everything away because of sex. It’s not a deal breaker.”

READ ALSO: 5 Questions to Ask Yourself before Marriage

Queen Udofia, Lawyer, Married

“My spiritual self subscribes to waiting and following the good book. My cautious self will say wait, to avoid unforeseen/unwanted situations because once love is blowing you breeze, protection is an afterthought. Now myself, satisfying self has to taste the fruit/food before I buy. Sex plays a major role in marriage. I think it affects the people involved, except they couple involved are not sexually active or curious.”

Timothy Igbinosun, Banker, Married

“So for me it’s not an important item in courtship. I understand the needs of men (I’m one) and the basal urge to “taste” what you’re going to be having for life. But it’s a basal urge and not a determinant to the success of the marriage. So it’s fun yes but not important. Sex is personified. It’s unique to different people. There’s a connection that takes place between two people having sex so I may want to see if the connection between me and my fiancée is cool enough to last the marriage that right? But the connection is not in the sex itself. It’s in the person you’re having the sex with. The biochemistry of sex itself is the same whether I am hooking up with a prostitute or with a nun. Same chemical reaction, same hormones same 10 second moment of magic at the end! So no, it’s not important for me. All basal natural urges can be controlled. However, some partners may not be comfortable with my sexual preferences. Sexual preferences can be taught but I may not be into handcuffs and blindfolds whereas you are so maybe this can be discussed. This is the basis for a lot of sex before marriage arguments. But most people are not that extreme really and yes if you’re in love you will learn to like handcuffs. So to me I think it’s a little overrated.

Treasure Akpabio, Student, Single

“The bible says we should not indulge in premarital sex, that it’s wrong. Personally, I know its wrong but with the way things are going right now, I prefer to know what I’m getting myself into. I remember there’s this guy I almost dated and the only reason that I didn’t was he was very big downstairs. Sex before marriage, I like to know what I’m getting myself into. I want to be sure that what I get I will be able to live with it. I know you can’t get everything right but at least let that part be okay. When it comes to sex or making love, I want to be satisfied. I would like to know that my would-be husband can handle me and satisfy me and I him. So as much as it’s not right, I still feel it’s necessary. This is my opinion.”

This is obviously a decision one would have to come to on your own. Do you want to honour your commitment to God or can you justify not doing so? Whatever the case may be, always protect yourself if you choose to indulge in it. With the many cases of ‘baby mama drama’ that’s a boat no one wants to be in. There are also health issues to consider if you choose to be sexually active before marriage. All these and more should be things you consider before taking a decision that may very well be life altering.